People with fibromyalgia face many obstacles.
We live with fatigue, brain fog, chronic pain and other symptoms. We work to find ways to manage this syndrome. We seek coping mechanisms. Many fibro patients have overlook the importance of who and what we surround ourselves with.
- This can have a dramatic affect on how we cope.
Conserving energy is an important part to coping with “Fibro Fatigue”. It takes far more energy to deal with negative people. Energy when you don’t have any left to expend.
Let’s look at who we surround ourselves with and the effects on our lives.
People You Should Remove from Your Life
- You have to cut the “downers” the negative people
- You have to cut out the “distractors”
- You have to get rid of “people who play the victim”
- You have to stay away from “know-it-alls”
- You have to dump the “drama queens/kings”
Good and Bad Behavior Is Contagious
One study found that emotions circulate through interpersonal relationships just like the flu virus.
These patterns can actually be tracked statistically just like the flu virus.
- Each positive person you surround yourself with increases your chances of being positive by eleven percent.
- Each negative person you let into your life more than doubles your chances of being negative.
Understanding Why This Happens
A mirror neuron is a cell in your brain that fires both when you act and when you observe another person acting. Interacting with other people engages your mirror neuron system.
This brain mechanism causes you to copy other people whether you want to or not. If you spend enough time with anyone, no matter who it is, you will start to mimic their behavior.
This means you need to start cutting negative people out of your life right now.
Here is a short 2 minute video
explaining mirror neurons
Here are five types of people
to start avoiding now!
# 1 The “Downer”
Some people can walk into a room and light it up. Other people walk into a room and kill it.
- Downers Are Those That Kill Positive Energy
They are those people who seem to have a dark cloud following them wherever they go. These people are unlucky, negative and always depressed.
Don’t feel bad for these people. Odds are:
They like being miserable
They like the attention it gives them
You must drop unhappy people from your life. Why?
Because your happiness and your physical health depends on it. Research shows that being exposed to negative people pulls away neurons in your hippocampus. This is the part of your brain that is responsible for problem solving. This means that negative people literally rot your brain
Stop hanging out with people who suck away your energy
#2 Avoid Distracting People
Distractors come in a variety of flavors
- There are those annoying people who drive you nuts.
- People who make you focus on them instead of focusing on yourself and your mission.
Distractors are also those people that are truly amazing or really hot or incredibly brilliant.]
- Those people who catch your eye for one reason or another.
- Distractors make you forget about your goals and everything that you’ve set out to do in life.
A lot of promising futures
have been sacrificed to these distractors.
Some people drop out of school or quit a job they love, just to be closer to a distracting person. This allows them stay in that distracting relationship.
Others get hooked on celebrity gossip or get rich quick schemes
- Everything that glitters is not always gold.
- Most shiny things are just distractions and this can include people.
Don’t let any person make you forget that you are amazing – and that you have something amazing to offer the world.
#3 Stay Away from People Who Play the Victim
Don’t know how to identify a victim?
Here’s what you look for:
- Look for people who preach self-sacrifice
- Look for people who try to make you feel guilty for your strengths
- Look for people who try to make you feel guilty for your accomplishments
- Look for people who try to make you feel bad just because they are feeling bad
- Masters of positioning themselves on the moral high ground
- Using obligation to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.
- People who like to make you feel responsible for their happiness.
No one is responsible for someone else’s happiness
#4 Stay away from know-it-alls
Know-it-alls are those people who will never let you live down past mistakes. They bring you down by using the psychological phenomenons of “Imposter Syndrome” and “Negativity Bias.”
Imposter Syndrome is describe as the inability to internalize your own accomplishments. It’s that voice in your head that creeps up every now and then telling you that you’re a phony and it’s only a matter of time until people find out.
Negativity Bias on the other hand refers to your brains preference for negative information over positive information.
- Never allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself.
- Don’t let some” Know-it-All” use these techniques against you.
- Focus on where you are now. Not on your past mistakes.
#5 Refuse to be around drama queens.
Drama queens/kings are those people who love conflict. They are addicted to drama and to winning arguments no matter the cost. Even if there’s nothing to be won. Drama queens love drama for the sake of drama.
- They don’t want to win or find a solution they just want the drama.
- Their minds are simple and their lives are boring.
- The only way they can fill a sense of purpose in life is by creating drama.
- Don’t let these people suck you into their drama.
Any time you spend trying to correct or even understand a drama queen is a waste of time. You are better off ignoring these people period.
The term “Journey of Self-discovery” refers to a series of events whereby a person attempts to determine how they feel about spiritual issues or priorities, rather than following the opinions of family, friends or peer pressure.
Self-discovery is the capacity of humans to exercise introspection,
The willingness to learn more about their fundamental
nature and purpose.
If the only emotion concepts you recognize are “I feel good” and “I feel bad” you’re not going to be very emotionally healthy. But, if you’re able to distinguish the more specific “I feel alone” from merely “I feel bad” you’re able to deal with the problem.
Examining your life under a microscope can be uncomfortable and gruesome.
You will be grateful for starting the process of self discovery, because rewards unfold when you know more about yourself. Understand how you make improvements to your behavior, thoughts and emotions. Uncovering answers will help peel off layer-by-layer the negative thoughts that have imprinted in your mind. These negative thoughts and beliefs are your obstacles to inner growth.
You’ve probably never thought about learning words as a path to greater emotional health.
Words Seed Your Concepts
Concepts Drive Your Predictions
Predictions Regulate Your Body
Your Body Determines How You Feel.
The greater your vocabulary
the more precisely your brain can calibrate your body’s needs.
People who exhibit higher emotional expression
- Go to the doctor less frequently
- Use medication less frequently
- Spend fewer days hospitalized for illness
[Tweet “The greater your vocabulary, the more precisely your brain can calibrate your body’s needs”]
This insight is directly connected to your relationship with others. Most importantly it’s also connected to our relationship with the Universe (God). What we believe about the Universe (God) and it’s expectations for us is vital to what we believe about ourselves.
Self discovery is not an a one day or a one week affair.
It can take a lifetime of building a relationship with yourself. Note that your inner self is not going to stay constant either. You are evolving all the time. Based on your self discovery at any point in time, you make conscious decisions for changes. Additionally, as you mature, you gain insights that make up the new you.
Self-discovery is about being mindful of who you really are, instead of what culture says you should be.
It is important to ask yourself what you want out of life and work towards it. Aligning with your soul’s’ purpose brings about fulfilment. Without a purpose and direction, you are going to feel like a ship which is going nowhere. I can assure you that if you don’t go through this process of evaluation on what your purpose is, you are going to experience regret while on your deathbed.
You need to confront your emotional issues and weaknesses
because they reveal the separation from the real you.
The real you is authentic, loving and nurturing. The process of self discovery is not just about unearthing nasty stuff about yourself. It is about honoring your strengths and abilities. As you become more aware of what you are good at, you lessen the list on weaknesses.
Learn to forgive yourself.
Negative beliefs tend to invade every aspect of your life. If you have feelings of low self worth, then you are likely to carry them in the relationships you have at home, in the office, with your friends, relatives and loved ones.
You, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. When your outer self is aligned with your inner being, you will feel happy and free!
(Or Were Too Tired To Think About)
Experts say one of the most alluring sleep distractions is the 24-hour accessibility of the internet.
- It’s impossible to tell if someone is really awake without close medical supervision. People can take cat naps with their eyes open without even being aware of it.
- Anything less than five minutes to fall asleep at night means you’re sleep deprived. The ideal is between 10 and 15 minutes, meaning you’re still tired enough to sleep deeply, but not so exhausted you feel sleepy by day.
- A new baby typically results in 400-750 hours lost sleep for parents in the first year
- One of the best predictors of insomnia later in life is the development of bad habits from having sleep disturbed by young children.
- The continuous brain recordings that led to the discovery of REM (rapid eye-movement) sleep were not done until 1953, partly because the scientists involved were concerned about wasting paper.
- REM sleep occurs in bursts totaling about 2 hours a night, usually beginning about 90 minutes after falling asleep.
- Dreams once thought to occur only during REM sleep, also occur (but to a lesser extent) in non-REM sleep phases. It’s possible there may not be a single moment of our sleep when we are actually dreamless.
- REM dreams are characterized by bizarre plots, but non-REM dreams are repetitive and thought-like, with little imagery – obsessively returning to a suspicion you left your mobile phone somewhere, for example.
- Certain types of eye movements during REM sleep correspond to specific movements in dreams, suggesting at least part of the dreaming process is analogous to watching a film
- No-one knows for sure if other species dream but some do have sleep cycles similar to humans.
- Elephants sleep standing up during non-REM sleep but lie down for REM sleep.
- Some scientists believe we dream to fix experiences in long-term memory, that is, we dream about things worth remembering. Others reckon we dream about things worth forgetting – to eliminate overlapping memories that would otherwise clog up our brains.
- Dreams may not serve any purpose at all but be merely a meaningless byproduct of two evolutionary adaptations – sleep and consciousness.
- REM sleep may help developing brains mature. Premature babies have 75 per cent REM sleep, 10 per cent more than full-term babys. Similarly, a newborn kitten puppy rat or hamster experiences only REM sleep, while a newborn guinea pig (which is much more developed at birth) has almost no REM sleep at all.
- Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can reset the brain’s sleep-wake clock.
- British Ministry of Defense researchers have been able to reset soldiers’ body clocks so they can go without sleep for up to 36 hrs. Tiny optical fibres embedded in special spectacles project a ring of bright white light (with a spectrum identical to a sunrise) around the edge of soldiers’ retinas, fooling them into thinking they have just woken up. The system was first used on US pilots during the bombing of Kosovo.
- Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%.
- The 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill off Alaska, the Challenger space shuttle disaster and the Chernobyl nuclear accident have all been attributed to human errors in which sleep-deprivation played a role.
- The NRMA estimates fatigue is involved in one in 6 fatal road accidents.
- Exposure to noise at night can suppress immune function even if the sleeper doesn’t wake. Unfamiliar noise, and noise during the first and last two hours of sleep, has the greatest disruptive effect on the sleep cycle.
- The “natural alarm clock” which enables some people to wake up more or less when they want to is caused by a burst of the stress hormone adrenocorticotropin. Researchers say this reflects an unconscious anticipation of the stress of waking up.
Some sleeping tablets, such as barbiturates suppress REM sleep, which can be harmful over a long period.
- In insomnia following bereavement, sleeping pills can disrupt grieving.
- Tiny luminous rays from a digital alarm clock can be enough to disrupt the sleep cycle even if you do not fully wake. The light turns off a “neural switch” in the brain, causing levels of a key sleep chemical to decline within minutes.
- To drop off we must cool off; body temperature and the brain’s sleep-wake cycle are closely linked. That’s why hot summer nights can cause a restless sleep. The blood flow mechanism that transfers core body heat to the skin works best between 18 and 30 degrees. But later in life, the comfort zone shrinks to between 23 and 25 degrees – one reason why older people have more sleep disorders.
- A night on the grog will help you get to sleep but it will be a light slumber and you won’t dream much.
- After five nights of partial sleep deprivation, three drinks will have the same effect on your body as six would when you’ve slept enough.
- Humans sleep on average around three hours less than other primates like chimps, rhesus monkeys, squirrel monkeys and baboons, all of whom sleep for 10 hours.
- Ducks at risk of attack by predators are able to balance the need for sleep and survival, keeping one half of the brain awake while the other slips into sleep mode.
- Ten per cent of snorers have sleep apnoea, a disorder which causes sufferers to stop breathing up to 300 times a night and significantly increases the risk of suffering a heart attack or stroke.
- Snoring occurs only in non-REM sleep
- Teenagers need as much sleep as small children (about 10 hrs) while those over 65 need the least of all (about six hours). For the average adult aged 25-55, eight hours is considered optimal
- Some studies suggest women need up to an hour’s extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men.
- Feeling tired can feel normal after a short time. Those deliberately deprived of sleep for research initially noticed greatly the effects on their alertness, mood and physical performance, but the awareness dropped off after the first few days.
- Diaries from the pre-electric-light-globe Victorian era show adult
- Most of what we know about sleep we’ve learned in the past 25 years.
- 18 to 24 year-olds deprived of sleep suffer more from impaired performance than older adults.
You CAN Train Your Body To Know When It’s Time To Sleep
When you go to bed, and when you get up, is the cornerstone to perfectly restful and totally refreshing sleep. Learn to sync your biological clock, so your body will know when to sleep and when to be alert.
Wake At The Same Time Every Day
A good night’s sleep actually starts in the morning. From the very first moment you open your eyes, light begins a brisk morning run down the optic path and arrives at the brain – the body’s biological clock. There it stimulates the creation of a morning buffet of hormones regulating growth and reproduction. This cerebral chemical brunch controls patterns of eating, sleeping, thinking, and even memory.
Sunlight Activates The Brain
Activating your brain at the same time every morning synchronizes your body’s biological clock. Your body then has a clear direction that at midnight it’s supposed to be asleep – at noon it’s supposed to be awake. Wake up at a different time every day and your biological clock stays out of sync. You feel groggy and hungover for hours. Even when you start to feel alert after that first jolt of hot morning Java, you still never achieve the mental edge you’re capable of.
Hit the Sheets Only When You’re Sleepy
Only go to bed when you’re SLEEPY, not just tired. Sleepy, as in your eyes are droopy and you keep losing track of what people are saying to you.
Get Up! Don’t Just Toss and Turn!
Sleeping from 11:00 PM until 2:30 AM, then tossing and turning until 4, before finally sleeping until 6, will give you eight hours in bed but only 4-1/2 hours of real sleep. That can actually inhibit your sleep drive and cause insomnia. To prevent that sleep issue, when you wake at 2:30 AM, get up and go into the living room and read a book. Being up increases your sleep drive desire, and make you sleepy enough to actually fall asleep when you return to bed.
A VERY Important Point
If you can’t sleep, DON’T stay in bed. A part of your mind will begin to associate the bed with being awake rather than sleeping. That can turn on a nasty “I’m-not-sleeping!” anxiety. This kind of anxiety can “rev your engines” when you get into bed. It’s one of the most insidious – and potent – causes of chronic insomnia.
Give Yourself at LEAST One Hour
Take one hour right before bed to prepare to sleep. You need this hour to wind down, prepare your mind, and transition from the one-who-can-do-everything into the one-who-can-sleep. Unfortunately, most people do not give themselves any sleep preparation time.
According to a 2007 poll, during the hour before bed 60 percent of us do household chores, 37 percent take care of children, 36 percent do activities with other family members, 36 percent are on the Internet, and 21 percent do work related to their jobs.
DANGER – Sunday Night Insomnia
Staying up late on Friday and Saturday nights and sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings is frequently the reward we give ourselves after a hard week at work. Yet that little gift – even as small as it is – is enough to upset your biological clock. When you go to bed early on Sunday – your body clock is out of sync – you will not be ready to sleep. As a result you will not be the rested, smiling, happy camper that your co-workers expect Monday morning.
Follow these simple guidelines and “Sync Your Body’s Clock – Sleep Like A Baby!”
EDITORS NOTE: This is a quote from my upcoming book “Metaphor Man”