People with fibromyalgia face many obstacles.
We live with fatigue, brain fog, chronic pain and other symptoms. We work to find ways to manage this syndrome. We seek coping mechanisms. Many fibro patients have overlook the importance of who and what we surround ourselves with.
- This can have a dramatic affect on how we cope.
Conserving energy is an important part to coping with “Fibro Fatigue”. It takes far more energy to deal with negative people. Energy when you don’t have any left to expend.
Let’s look at who we surround ourselves with and the effects on our lives.
People You Should Remove from Your Life
- You have to cut the “downers” the negative people
- You have to cut out the “distractors”
- You have to get rid of “people who play the victim”
- You have to stay away from “know-it-alls”
- You have to dump the “drama queens/kings”
Good and Bad Behavior Is Contagious
One study found that emotions circulate through interpersonal relationships just like the flu virus.
These patterns can actually be tracked statistically just like the flu virus.
- Each positive person you surround yourself with increases your chances of being positive by eleven percent.
- Each negative person you let into your life more than doubles your chances of being negative.
Understanding Why This Happens
A mirror neuron is a cell in your brain that fires both when you act and when you observe another person acting. Interacting with other people engages your mirror neuron system.
This brain mechanism causes you to copy other people whether you want to or not. If you spend enough time with anyone, no matter who it is, you will start to mimic their behavior.
This means you need to start cutting negative people out of your life right now.
Here is a short 2 minute video
explaining mirror neurons
Here are five types of people
to start avoiding now!
# 1 The “Downer”
Some people can walk into a room and light it up. Other people walk into a room and kill it.
- Downers Are Those That Kill Positive Energy
They are those people who seem to have a dark cloud following them wherever they go. These people are unlucky, negative and always depressed.
Don’t feel bad for these people. Odds are:
They like being miserable
They like the attention it gives them
You must drop unhappy people from your life. Why?
Because your happiness and your physical health depends on it. Research shows that being exposed to negative people pulls away neurons in your hippocampus. This is the part of your brain that is responsible for problem solving. This means that negative people literally rot your brain
Stop hanging out with people who suck away your energy
#2 Avoid Distracting People
Distractors come in a variety of flavors
- There are those annoying people who drive you nuts.
- People who make you focus on them instead of focusing on yourself and your mission.
Distractors are also those people that are truly amazing or really hot or incredibly brilliant.]
- Those people who catch your eye for one reason or another.
- Distractors make you forget about your goals and everything that you’ve set out to do in life.
A lot of promising futures
have been sacrificed to these distractors.
Some people drop out of school or quit a job they love, just to be closer to a distracting person. This allows them stay in that distracting relationship.
Others get hooked on celebrity gossip or get rich quick schemes
- Everything that glitters is not always gold.
- Most shiny things are just distractions and this can include people.
Don’t let any person make you forget that you are amazing – and that you have something amazing to offer the world.
#3 Stay Away from People Who Play the Victim
Don’t know how to identify a victim?
Here’s what you look for:
- Look for people who preach self-sacrifice
- Look for people who try to make you feel guilty for your strengths
- Look for people who try to make you feel guilty for your accomplishments
- Look for people who try to make you feel bad just because they are feeling bad
- Masters of positioning themselves on the moral high ground
- Using obligation to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.
- People who like to make you feel responsible for their happiness.
No one is responsible for someone else’s happiness
#4 Stay away from know-it-alls
Know-it-alls are those people who will never let you live down past mistakes. They bring you down by using the psychological phenomenons of “Imposter Syndrome” and “Negativity Bias.”
Imposter Syndrome is describe as the inability to internalize your own accomplishments. It’s that voice in your head that creeps up every now and then telling you that you’re a phony and it’s only a matter of time until people find out.
Negativity Bias on the other hand refers to your brains preference for negative information over positive information.
- Never allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself.
- Don’t let some” Know-it-All” use these techniques against you.
- Focus on where you are now. Not on your past mistakes.
#5 Refuse to be around drama queens.
Drama queens/kings are those people who love conflict. They are addicted to drama and to winning arguments no matter the cost. Even if there’s nothing to be won. Drama queens love drama for the sake of drama.
- They don’t want to win or find a solution they just want the drama.
- Their minds are simple and their lives are boring.
- The only way they can fill a sense of purpose in life is by creating drama.
- Don’t let these people suck you into their drama.
Any time you spend trying to correct or even understand a drama queen is a waste of time. You are better off ignoring these people period.
The term “Journey of Self-discovery” refers to a series of events whereby a person attempts to determine how they feel about spiritual issues or priorities, rather than following the opinions of family, friends or peer pressure.
Self-discovery is the capacity of humans to exercise introspection,
The willingness to learn more about their fundamental
nature and purpose.
If the only emotion concepts you recognize are “I feel good” and “I feel bad” you’re not going to be very emotionally healthy. But, if you’re able to distinguish the more specific “I feel alone” from merely “I feel bad” you’re able to deal with the problem.
Examining your life under a microscope can be uncomfortable and gruesome.
You will be grateful for starting the process of self discovery, because rewards unfold when you know more about yourself. Understand how you make improvements to your behavior, thoughts and emotions. Uncovering answers will help peel off layer-by-layer the negative thoughts that have imprinted in your mind. These negative thoughts and beliefs are your obstacles to inner growth.
You’ve probably never thought about learning words as a path to greater emotional health.
Words Seed Your Concepts
Concepts Drive Your Predictions
Predictions Regulate Your Body
Your Body Determines How You Feel.
The greater your vocabulary
the more precisely your brain can calibrate your body’s needs.
People who exhibit higher emotional expression
- Go to the doctor less frequently
- Use medication less frequently
- Spend fewer days hospitalized for illness
[Tweet “The greater your vocabulary, the more precisely your brain can calibrate your body’s needs”]
This insight is directly connected to your relationship with others. Most importantly it’s also connected to our relationship with the Universe (God). What we believe about the Universe (God) and it’s expectations for us is vital to what we believe about ourselves.
Self discovery is not an a one day or a one week affair.
It can take a lifetime of building a relationship with yourself. Note that your inner self is not going to stay constant either. You are evolving all the time. Based on your self discovery at any point in time, you make conscious decisions for changes. Additionally, as you mature, you gain insights that make up the new you.
Self-discovery is about being mindful of who you really are, instead of what culture says you should be.
It is important to ask yourself what you want out of life and work towards it. Aligning with your soul’s’ purpose brings about fulfilment. Without a purpose and direction, you are going to feel like a ship which is going nowhere. I can assure you that if you don’t go through this process of evaluation on what your purpose is, you are going to experience regret while on your deathbed.
You need to confront your emotional issues and weaknesses
because they reveal the separation from the real you.
The real you is authentic, loving and nurturing. The process of self discovery is not just about unearthing nasty stuff about yourself. It is about honoring your strengths and abilities. As you become more aware of what you are good at, you lessen the list on weaknesses.
Learn to forgive yourself.
Negative beliefs tend to invade every aspect of your life. If you have feelings of low self worth, then you are likely to carry them in the relationships you have at home, in the office, with your friends, relatives and loved ones.
You, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. When your outer self is aligned with your inner being, you will feel happy and free!
I’m sick, very sick. Sick enough that after twenty years my team of doctors still have little idea what’s wrong with me. I am unable to work and unable to properly function at home. This is a challenging scenario for me. But, there are benefits here. There’s purpose in experiencing life in these ways. I am convinced of this because of a learned awareness of spirituality.
I grew up seeing spirits, astral traveling, feeling other people’s emotions, and hearing their thoughts. These experiences were so normal for me that I had to be taught how to “properly” interact with others. I learned that very few people could do the things I could, and that there were things I shouldn’t say to others. I had to curb my comments, very often just sharing knowing smiles.
These days it seems fewer people take responsibility for their life.
It seems less and less people master their emotions.
They don’t run their lives, they allow life to run them. Their problems are blamed on everyone and everything. Most never take responsibility for their own life. More importantly, they never take responsibility for how they feel.
Does life happen to you, or does life happen for you?
Think very carefully before you answer. The answer you give will shape your life.
Do you believe everything happens for a reason? I believe that life is hard. That we all are going to go through things that are hard and challenging. But, what if every painful experience in your life was actually sent to benefit you?
- To make you stronger.
- To make you wiser.
- To make you better.
What if the challenge you are facing was sent to make you grow? What if the difficult person was actually sent to teach you things?
- A reminder of how not to treat people
What if the loss you experienced was sent to make you appreciate the way we feel.
Everything in your life is your life!
Every human being decides how they are going to live their life.
It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.
We all decide what meaning we give to each and every moment in our lives. We do not decide what shows, but we do decide how we show it. We do not decide the circumstances that arrive each day, but, we absolutely decide how we are going to react to each circumstance.
There is no such thing as actual reality, there’s only our perception of reality.
Think about any event in your own life.
Your version of it, is only your opinion of it and will be completely different to many other people.
Two people could attend the same event, see the same things, speak to the same people, and leave with absolutely opposite thoughts about that event. How could this be it was the same event? That is because it’s an interpretation. The meaning both people gave the event is different. That meaning is based on the life of conditioning and personal experiences. A life of absorbing other’s opinions and therefore making our own.
The point is:
- We decide that meaning.
- We decide our perspective.
- We decide our reality.
- We decide OUR TRUTH!
The experiences I’ve had, force the point for me. I don’t ‘believe’ there’s more out there. I KNOW! I’ve had contact with various attuned and enlightened people who guided me through things.
They explained the subtle realms:
- How energy in life flows
- Why we are here on earth
- The various and multiple layers of existence
- The true nature of the soul and how we are connected
- That there is no one formal religion that is right for everyone.
I’ve seen and experienced things that many people so readily disregard. People say ‘spirits aren’t real’ because they can’t know anything else. But, I know they are there, not just because I’ve seen them. I know they are there because the universe gave me teachers. Mentors that have been there with me. Coaching me through life’s interactions.
The universe guided me by:
- Explaining that I should try things and see what happens
- In learning to protect myself
- To help them when they needed it
- Most importantly, teaching me how to identify who they are and what they want.
There’s a great degree of science behind spirituality. Much more than you could think possible. That science, the understanding of connections and interactions between things, being able to control and shape them means I don’t have a choice. I don’t ‘believe’ anymore, I know!
Bob Marley said…
“Some people dance in the rain,
others just get wet.”
This is true for everything in life. Some people hate life. Some people just get by. But, some people live life to the fullest. Those people appreciate the little things, which in turn, make a huge difference in their lives. Don’t worry about what other people do!
What do you do?
- Do you appreciate all the good in your life?
- Do you look for the good every day?
- Do you wake up expecting great things?
- Do you believe every tough moment in your life is it to make you stronger and in some way improve your life?
Every meaning, you give to everything in your life, makes your life!
I know that my sickness is a part of my spiritual journey. It serves a purpose by improving me and those who interact with me. Every life and death, no matter how beautiful or tragic is a wonderful experience for the soul.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself or try to blame others for your misfortune. This is your doing and it’s an amazing thing that you’ve chosen for yourself.
There is no fault!
You need this experience in your life to evolve mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You’ve got people around you who also chose to be there and experience a different reality to the situation with you. They’re also benefiting from you, learning and evolving as a result of your situation.
Choose empowering meanings, because the better your meanings, the better your life. The stronger your meanings, the stronger your life.
Between stimulus and response,
there is a space where we choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
It’s our decisions, not our conditions,
that control life and fulfill destiny.
People Are Reflections Of Each Other.
We are all human in the sense that we can feel the same things. Our perception, however, differs from person to person. One person in the same situation as five other people will each take away their own experience/truth. What also should be noted is that each person has an impact on the other people in the situation. A different impact will be had by each person., It is up to the person being impacted to keep or discard the impressions left on them by others.
Be Aware Of Your Own Intentions
It is important to be aware of your own intentions versus the intentions of others. There are different ways a person indicates their own feelings and thoughts through body language, verbal language and a general personification of their emotions. It is a person’s emotions which influence their thoughts and thoughts that influence emotions.
By Opening Ourselves Up To Others We Grow
It is a lonely world to isolate yourself from others. It stifles individual growth when we shut ourselves off in the dark. By opening ourselves up to others we grow as well as promote growth within others. We also help each put a stop to the loneliness which naturally plagues a person who is closed off from others.
Make The Most Of Social Interaction
It is important to take the opportunities we have to influence other people. It is also important to note the impact we allow them to have on us. A person should make the most of social interaction and use it to their benefit and the benefits others should they be open to it. We may not be able to control other people but we can do our part to bring them peace of mind and allow them to help us in doing the same. Even at the grocery store, a smile may spark a new beginning to a passerby who was having an incredibly hard day. Allow the same smile from a stranger to inspire goodness within yourself and you will see that others are truly here to help you in any way you allow.
People Are Attracted To Commonalities
People are attracted to commonalities. It is important to be aware of what commonalities have drawn you and another person together. Allow the growth of relationships that are mutually beneficial. End relationships that cause you frustration, stress, or pain. You can grow from any interaction you allow if you reflect upon it in a positive light.
What Can I Do To Change My Life?
This question is simple, the answer is quite complexed. Especially, to those in the chronic illness community.
Let’s establish a foundation to the development of a healthy mindset. Living with the many ways chronic illness changes your life, places stress on your life, making you feel damaged, weakened, and even broken. As people go through life they develop active or passive attitudes depending on comfort and/or feeling in control of that situation. Often, chronic illness forces us into a self-protective, subconscious reaction by taking control of our emotional and physical surroundings.
To achieve this, we develop a Fixed Mindset.
A Fixed Mindset is when you need to look smart and in control while internally feeling weak and out of control. In order to achieve this, you develop a Fixed Mindset and you:
- Avoid Challenges
- Give Up Easily
- See Effort As Fruitless Or Worse
- Ignore Useful Negative Feedback
- Feel Threatened By The Success Of Others
This Fixed Mindset obviously leads to stagnation and the feeling of being physically and emotionally stuck.
You want to change your life and so you have to do the opposite. Our starting point is Changing YOUR Mindset.
The key to any successful life change is a Positive Growth Mindset.
The very first and most important step is, change your thought patterns. If you are thinking negatively about life and all the things around, then you should change your thoughts.
To really change your life, you need a Positive Growth Mindset.
Having a Growth Mindset you can change anything in your life. The view you adopt in your life changes the way you lead your life.
Having a growth mindset means:
- Seeing Effort As Path To Mastery
- Learning From Criticism
- Finding Lessons Of Inspiration In The Success Of Others
- Embracing Challenges
- Persisting In The Face Of Setbacks
The result is a better sense of free will. You create a life that YOU desire.
POSITIVE GROWTH MINDSET
Keep a Positive Growth Mindset.
Dive deep into it and urge yourself to ask even more questions.
- Every person is unique,
- Every person is connected with everyone
- Each person needs to develop his/her personal reality.
That should be based on what is real, valid, no matter the time, place, circumstances. Then, you can develop methods, explanations, perception suitable to your uniqueness, and compatible with the rest of the universe.
If you really want to change your life, watch for my next post “The 2 Minute Rule”
The Japanese have a word “Gomenasai” that is roughly equivalent to the English word “sorry”. It’s used to apologize when you harm or offend someone. The word implies humility (Sorry to disturb you…Sorry for coming into your house), but it’s also used as a way to avoid guilt. Someone will say sorry just seconds before they ram the back of your legs with a shopping trolley. Another will mouth the word as they rudely cut you off with their car. This is how people use apologies every day, except perhaps more blatant.
How can apologies be so valuable but so misused?
Genuine apology is an unfashionable concept. With humility and one way service it’s among the least popular traits in our advanced culture. Nonetheless, it’s a vital part of life that’s indispensable in building strong relationships.
What then, is an apology? In its simplest form, an apology is taking responsibility for a disturbance in a relationship. These insincere apologies imply nothing about your attitude towards the disturbance you are taking responsibility for. A useful apology always acknowledges that you regret your part in the disturbance and are trying to stop or reverse its occurrence.
An apology is not just a tool to make peace. It’s not another way of saying “Get off my back”. It’s not a way of introducing harm, “sorry but I am going to have to divorce you”. It’s not a tool to manipulate others.
When should you apologize? Whenever there is a break in a relationship. No matter what the issue, there will usually be a part, even a small part, that was your responsibility. For this you should apologize. Realizing that a disturbance is your responsibility is a giant step towards emotional maturity.
But WHEN should you apologize? As soon as possible. Depending on the relationship this may be immediately or when you’ve cooled off after a few days
It is our responsibility to take the initiative to apologize. If you wait for the other party to come to you, you may be waiting forever. It takes boldness and integrity to make the first step. Never let an apology swing on timidness or lack of confidence.
A genuine apology is not a habitual apologetic mannerism. It is a deliberate effort to solve a relational problem that you have contributed to. This requires of discipline. Believe me because I know from experience.
I struggle with apologies as much as the next person. I find it’s usually the hardest when the relationship is particularly important to me, like my direct family. When I’m in the wrong, I will try anything I can think of, short of apologizing, to try and solve the problem.
Sooner or later, though, I have to swallow my pride and apologize. It should be no surprise but usually my apology contributes to healing a damaged relationship. Often the relationship ends up stronger than ever. Apology is one of the toughest but most productive habits that I am trying to adopt. We all need to sharpen up our apology sense.
There was, and still is, an Australian Prime Minister who refused to say sorry to the Australian Aboriginal people for crimes against them in the past. This isn’t a political article so I won’t go into details, but it seems the main reason that he wouldn’t publicly apologize was that he was afraid of the backlash. He feared an apology would mean admitting guilt and that this would fuel the disturbance and not remedy it.
This sort of attitude is all too prevalent in our society. We no longer trust each other. We realize that if we apologize, we’re admitting guilt. If we admit guilt it can be used against us. This may be true in a legal sense — I have held car insurance policies that are void if I admit guilt or apologize at the scene of a potential accident — but it is totally wrong in a relational sense.
We have to get past the paranoia that makes us believe that everyone will try to use an apology against us. There will be times when an apology is abused, but more often than not, a genuine apology will be well received and will go a long way towards solving a disturbance between two people.
How to apologize:
- Make it genuine – Anyone can spot a false apology and it will do more harm than good. A genuine apology is aimed solely at taking responsibility and overcoming a disturbance. There are no hidden obligations or expectations attached.
- Don’t justify your actions – If you are busy explaining why you did what you did, it will start to sound like you aren’t apologizing at all, that you aren’t ready to take responsibility. A brief explanation may help understanding, while a justification may just fuel the disturbance.
- Make a commitment to change – If you can’t confirm that you mean to improve, then you aren’t committed to an apology. If you aren’t committed to changing your habit of getting home late, don’t say “Sorry I am home late”. This will be a hollow and ineffective apology. You are better off thanking the other person, “Thanks for putting up with me coming home so late. I appreciate it” and taking it from there.
- Phrased you apology carefully – Make sure the other person knows why you are apologizing. “I was passing by so I thought I’d drop in and say sorry” is a lot different to “I wanted to come and apologize because I really do care about this relationship”. Don’t fake it. If you have a good reason to keep the relationship alive the other person will want to hear it.
- Be ready for an awkward conclusion – While sometimes an apology is followed straight away by a counter apology and peace and flowers and little birds carrying banners of love through the air, not everyone reacts this way. Some people will behave indifferently, some will behave coldly, and some will react in a downright hostile way. This is out of your control. You have made the step to apologize. Doing it in a productive way is the best you can do. Maybe the other person will appreciate it now, later, or never. No matter what, you have done your bit and you can relax. The rest is up to them.
Who do you need to apologize to today?
- The guy who jumps onto subway tracks to save a stranger with a train approach
- The clerk who chases down a robber,
- A passerby stops at an accident site to save victims:
When you hear stories of incredible acts of courage,
Do you wonder, would I do the same?
Some scientists say those risk takers are wired differently, Studies show genetics play a significant role in the willingness to take risks. Recent research finds environmental factors and emotions greatly influence risk-taking behavior too. Other scientists look to brain mechanisms for answers:
“The best things in life are on the other side of fear!” – Will Smith
A great example of this situation is explained by Will Smith when he went skydiving. He explained this “The concept of fear” is only present up until the point where he took action. Immediately afterward he was in the moment – after he left the airplane it was pure bliss.
Courage and muscle have a lot in common.
The more they are used them the stronger they become. Neglected they slowly become frail, weak, and atrophied.
Make a list, a long list of everything thing that scares you and slowly tackle each one by one. Start small and build up. Just like exercising a muscle – exercise your courage. The more often you do so the stronger it will get and the more confidence you will build to tackle bigger and bigger challenges.
Let’s look at some easy ones you can try.
- The Coffee Shop Challenge – Go to your area coffee shop, place your coffee order, and when you’re ready to pay – Ask them for a 10% discount.
- The Eye Contact Challenge – While walking in public, make eye contact with the people you pass. Keep eye contact until one of you break it. It’s important that you keep an open/warm/positive expression on your face (you don’t want to look scary or crazy).
- The Laying Down Challenge – Walk into a crowded place and lay down for 15 – 20 seconds. Do not select a place where you will be a nuisance. If someone asks what you’re doing, just tell them you’re taking a break and collecting your thoughts.
- The Cold Shower Challenge – This is one of my best discoveries: The last 2 minutes of my shower I turn off all the hot water and blast the cold. It’s something that I do because I feel great afterward. I do it instinctively now, without hesitation or thinking of it, but when I got started I would get really nervous before doing it. On a lesser scale, it’s like that skydiving example – it’s scary before you do it, it’s intense while the cold water is flowing, it’s amazing afterward.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act despite our fears.” – John McCain
- Public Speaking Challenge – There the old saying that people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of dying. There are many sources of information across the internet. Why? Because almost everyone has a fear of public speaking. Toast Masters is a great way to practice!
You should definitely find things that make you so nervous that you feel it in the pit of your stomach. The more you practice, the stronger you will become!
There are many different kinds of courage required in life, and you will hardly find one person who has them all.
Some people are fearless when approaching girls/guys or standing up to bullies. Going to the gym as an overweight person, the safety of a steady salary to become an entrepreneur, quitting an addiction, ending toxic relationships, chasing your dreams etc.l
Courage isn’t a habit you can form, but a choice you must make that doesn’t get easier each time.
Now that your path becomes more organized and clear
You will begin to like you.When you begin to like you, you will do what you like.
[Tweet “When you begin to like you, you will do what you like.”]
If you believe in being brave, you will be brave. Just believe and become. But first have a clear mind to focus, remove the things pulling you back.
Scientists don’t know for sure if being courageous is something you’re born with; they also don’t know whether we can target the parts of the brain active in overcoming certain fears. What experts do know is that many different behaviors and traits define a courageous act, some of which can be learned.
[Tweet “Big challenges produce big courage!”]
Practice courage often. Display it by doing and trying different things. Things Like being unique, or facing a fear. Big challenges produce big courage but small ones every so often maintain its strength.
Do what scares you. Quieting your fear of is putting yourself in the thick of it. Plus, by choosing to face your fear, it gives you a feeling of control. Believe in your own ability to achieve a goal and a component of courageous acts.
Plan to be brave. Being prepared may help you draw on that reservoir of courage; the moment of indecisiveness is when your emotions come in.”
Remember the why. Courage is more than just facing fear; it involves taking risks for a noble or good cause. Focus on the reason you wanted to take an action to help boost confidence. When that reason is important or morally right, it may be the most encouraging of all.
I have been listening to a Dr. Jeffrey Thompson music album entitled “Insight and Intuition,” one his many works that I appreciate almost every single day.
Here are some of the reasons why I love his music:
His music includes brainwave entrainment.
Brainwave entrainment is any procedure that causes the brainwave frequencies of a person to synchronize with a periodic stimulus, such as a sound or vibration, having a frequency corresponding to the intended brain-state.
The various brainwaves include gamma, beta, alpha, theta, and delta.
Gamma waves correspond to heightened perception. Beta corresponds to wakefulness. Alpha corresponds to relaxation, daydreaming, and meditation. Theta corresponds to deep meditation and dreaming. And delta corresponds to deep sleep.
His music helps me achieve my desired states.