Some People Push People Away Because They Don’t Want To Get Hurt. Others Push People Away Because They Got Hurt.
Most people will automatically agree to this concept without giving it much thought. What kind of world would there be if everyone was a loner? You can’t push everyone away and find happiness in this world. Yet, appropriate boundaries will make the biggest difference in your life.
Sometimes we push people away because of what we have experienced in the past. Those are “Memory Echoes”. We react to situations that seem like something we remember from our past that was painful, therefore our immediate mental reflex is to protect ourselves. We automatically invoke, for self-protection, the involuntary stress response known as “fight or flight”. The escape or exchange requires intense muscular effort, fully supported by all the body’s systems. Our nervous system activates to provide for these needs. An accelerated heartbeat, pupil dilation, and release of Adrenalin are all signs of our sympathetic nervous system response. It is important to remember that current research has determined that memories are faulty. Perception is a reality, and reality is perception.
“Reality Is Merely An Illusion, Albeit A Very Persistent One.” – Albert Einstein
Every perception, sensation, or encounter in your life is uniquely tailored to you. Your very act of perceiving shapes the universe, rendering everything within it distinctly your own. Each individual interprets events and memories through the intricate filters of their life, which constitute their personal perception of reality. No two people will ever experience or recall a shared event in identical fashion, thanks to these subjective filters.
Consider it akin to being handed rose-colored glasses while a friend receives gray-tinted ones, and both are tasked with describing the colors of an object. As you each articulate the hues you see, the descriptions will inevitably differ due to the distinct lenses or filters through which you perceive. These filters, as unique as fingerprints, ensure that even when examining the same object, your perceptions remain inherently distinct.
Witnessing a loved one in profound emotional agony, the kind that wrenches tears from their very soul due to a shattered heart, can be a deeply affecting experience. Emotional pain often renders us powerless, robbing us of social influence and physical strength. In such moments, it becomes evident that individuals vary in their capacity to express themselves.
Some swiftly glean valuable lessons from their anguish, propelling them forward on their life journey. Others grapple with an indomitable emptiness, fervently believing that an elusive person or object can satiate their profound needs. Then there are those plagued by low self-esteem, their voices muffled by insecurity.
The question that arises is: Which category resonates with you? Delving into self-awareness can pave the path towards healing and personal growth.
Some take the lesson of heartbreak and turn it into something useful. This kind of person takes life lessons and learns not to make the same mistakes. They learn boundaries and realize they must do things differently. Maybe they opened themselves up emotionally too quickly, or showed vulnerability and chose to allow someone untrustworthy to take over their heart. These are the ones who say to themselves “I’ll never do that again”. They build a wall around their heart. They are not able to easily say the words of “I love you” or “I trust you” as quickly as the time before, due to “Memory Echoes”. No one is perfect in every area of their life. We must learn that communication is the foundation for a relationship. The survivors communicate. They choose to let the past teach them how to give to the success of their future relationships. They use the past to rebuild their self-esteem and develop self-talk, teaching themselves that they deserve happiness and must learn to maintain proper boundaries with others.
Then there is the person who has very low self-esteem. They are too afraid of getting close to anyone because their perception of reality is that others have caused the past pain in their life. They might feel that they don’t deserve happiness. In some cases, they might have been told over and over again (or through self-talk) that they could never be good enough for anyone. Many people feel that they don’t measure up to the rest of society. Why? These are the people afraid of acknowledging they have something to contribute. They are so filled with “Memory Echo” fear, or fear of the unknown, that they are unwilling to work at finding out why they can’t get beyond the barrier of the past. They live with the pain caused by the familiar because it is less painful than the pain of the fear of the unknown. This is a direct result of a faulty recall of memories, because of how they apply faulty life filters to those memories. The fact is that you can do something about it, you just have to DO IT!
Change Your Story, Change Your Perception, Change Your Life!
We all become entangled in the narratives we weave for ourselves. Many of us even start to identify with these stories as though they define us. However, the problem arises when these narratives, shaped by unreliable memories, lead us down a path we never intended to tread. It’s time to examine the story you’re currently living. Did you consciously craft it, or did external forces like family, friends, your spouse, school, or the media do the majority of the writing?
If you find yourself discontented with your current storyline, it’s imperative to shift your perception. Imagine taking the role of the author, penning the next captivating chapter of your life. Better yet, put pen to paper and start writing it. Redirect your focus toward creating a new reality where you dictate the narrative. Reclaim the roles of screenwriter and director, stepping out of the actor’s shadow.
In the realm of relationships, disagreements are an inevitable part of life. However, it’s crucial to recognize that discord need not lead to destruction. Healthy relationships thrive when individuals express their differences and engage in productive communication to find mutually beneficial solutions. By adopting this approach, you strengthen your relationships and assert control over your narrative, ensuring a more fulfilling and harmonious life.
In the quest for a happier life, it’s imperative to seize control of your perception of reality. Too often, individuals allow external influences to shape their worldview. However, entrusting others with this pivotal task raises a crucial question: Can you genuinely rely on them to prioritize your best interests?
Choosing to craft your own perception of reality empowers you to prioritize your well-being and happiness in the present moment. Delaying this decision only postpones the fulfillment you deserve. It’s crucial to recognize that forging healthy relationships, a fundamental component of happiness, is a gradual process, requiring sustained effort and commitment over time. By taking charge now, you pave the way for a more fulfilling and authentic life.