These Are the Things That Define You – Part Two – The Importance of Love

The biggest threat to any type of relationship is
misunderstandings.

Misunderstanding ourselves
and
misunderstanding others.

When you don’t like something then express it. Most importantly do it without trying to hurt someone because they hurt you. Instead, try helping them feel what you feel, expressed by both your words and actions.

When people understand
they usually do not judge.

The better you know yourself,
the better you can know others.

Spending time with a person is how you get to know them.

In the same way you must build a trusting relationship with yourself. You need to spend time getting to know more about you. You can never get to know yourself if you are surrounded by lots of noise, friends, and family, or if you are always preoccupied with things to do.

Being around others is vital.

We learn from their experiences and perspectives. It is just as important spending time alone, in peaceful surroundings. Peaceful surroundings doesn’t mean absolute silence. It means the absence of interruption and other distractions.

If you’re always listening to others,
you’ll just become the sum of
everyone else’s ideas.

Your deepest reflections cannot be heard unless you make time for them to be heard. Without really listening to yourself, you won’t have anything to keep you grounded. You’ll fall into all types of emotional traps. Most important you’ll find it difficult to resist the negative influences of others.

Of all the judgments we pass in life,
none is more important than
the judgment we pass on ourselves.

You may also want to use this opportunity to consider your life goals in all aspects: physical, mental and spiritual. You need to sit with your emotions and spend the time to distinguish them and label them. In the questioning process, ask yourself what your values are.

 

 

Core values will be things like compassion, honesty, love, kindness, loyalty, etc. Clarifying your core values will give you an exact picture of who you are.

  • Find out what makes your heart sing.
  • Find out what keeps you excited.

It is important your actions are supported by your core values and fundamentals. If not, you will find yourself in self sabotage. The ability to reach your highest potential is severely limited when you are busy self sabotaging!

Find out what inspires you. These are the things that define you.

Being with nature is also a good idea. You tend to connect better to your inner being, when you are more relaxed. The answers that you seek, while in a state of mental relaxation, surface more easily. You become clearer and clearer, in the intents that you sent out to the Universe(God). Because this intent is in perfect alignment with the real you, you do not experience any conflict or sabotage.

Time alone to
meditate and reflect
is productive time.

You cannot expect to function well physically everyday, if you are out of balance in other aspects such as mentally and spiritually. Very importantly, consider putting aside “me” time on a regular basis. I choose to spend “me” time meditating, reading books or simply just be with myself.

You must guard your personal quiet time and really make use of it.

This is your alone time with the Universe (God).
This is inviolable sacred time.

  • This is when you connect with your soul.
  • This is when you learn how to be at peace with the storms of life.
  • This is where you’ll find comfort and guidance.

This is what defines you.
This is when you know the importance of love.

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These Are the Things That Define You – Part One – Journey of Self-discovery

The term “Journey of Self-discovery” refers to a series of events whereby a person attempts to determine how they feel about spiritual issues or priorities, rather than following the opinions of family, friends or peer pressure.

Self-discovery is the capacity of humans to exercise introspection,
The willingness to learn more about their fundamental
nature and purpose.

If the only emotion concepts you recognize are “I feel good” and “I feel bad” you’re not going to be very emotionally healthy. But, if you’re able to distinguish the more specific “I feel alone” from merely “I feel bad” you’re able to deal with the problem.

Examining your life under a microscope can be uncomfortable and gruesome.

You will be grateful for starting the process of self discovery, because rewards unfold when you know more about yourself. Understand how you make improvements to your behavior, thoughts and emotions. Uncovering answers will help peel off layer-by-layer the negative thoughts that have imprinted in your mind. These negative thoughts and beliefs are your obstacles to inner growth.

You’ve probably never thought about learning words as a path to greater emotional health.

Words Seed Your Concepts
Concepts Drive Your Predictions
Predictions Regulate Your Body
Your Body Determines How You Feel.

The greater your vocabulary
the more precisely your brain can calibrate your body’s needs.

People who exhibit higher emotional expression

  • Go to the doctor less frequently
  • Use medication less frequently
  • Spend fewer days hospitalized for illness

[Tweet “The greater your vocabulary, the more precisely your brain can calibrate your body’s needs”]

This insight is directly connected to your relationship with others. Most importantly it’s also connected to our relationship with the Universe (God). What we believe about the Universe (God) and it’s expectations for us is vital to what we believe about ourselves.

Self discovery is not an a one day or a one week affair.

It can take a lifetime of building a relationship with yourself. Note that your inner self is not going to stay constant either. You are evolving all the time. Based on your self discovery at any point in time, you make conscious decisions for changes. Additionally, as you mature, you gain insights that make up the new you.

Self-discovery is about being mindful of who you really are, instead of what culture says you should be.

It is important to ask yourself what you want out of life and work towards it. Aligning with your soul’s’ purpose brings about fulfilment. Without a purpose and direction, you are going to feel like a ship which is going nowhere. I can assure you that if you don’t go through this process of evaluation on what your purpose is, you are going to experience regret while on your deathbed.

You need to confront your emotional issues and weaknesses
because they reveal the separation from the real you.

The real you is authentic, loving and nurturing. The process of self discovery is not just about unearthing nasty stuff about yourself. It is about honoring your strengths and abilities. As you become more aware of what you are good at, you lessen the list on weaknesses.

Learn to forgive yourself.

Negative beliefs tend to invade every aspect of your life. If you have feelings of low self worth, then you are likely to carry them in the relationships you have at home, in the office, with your friends, relatives and loved ones.

You, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. When your outer self is aligned with your inner being, you will feel happy and free!

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5 Ways to Develop Independent Thought

A classroom full of 10-year-old students is asked to solve a problem with children crossing the street on the way to school. The children come up with ideas that have been used successfully in other places: traffic calming devices, overpasses, fluorescent jackets and speed limits. All these ideas are conventional, exactly what the teacher wants to hear.

Except for one. A student recommends that the school board sell the property and move the classroom online. This is not what the teacher was expecting.

This idea may not be practical, popular, or even possible, but when it’s ridiculed by the class it might be the last independent thought that the student dares to express — the death of another independent thinker.

Independent thought is not popular — it is absolutely rare. Nothing you read about in the papers or see on the television is independent. Whatever we take in from the popular media is regurgitated conventional knowledge. There is nothing independent about most of the world.

This is a tragedy — independent thought is essential for progress. Conventional thinking moves us forward gradually at best (at worst it pushes us backwards). Independent thinking is required to achieve any substantial jump in performance.

Logically, when we think like everyone else is thinking, the best we can expect is to achieve what they’re already achieving. If our aim is to over-achieve, we need to avoid the same banal influences and think impossibly. We need to become independent from conventional wisdom.

Fortunately, you don’t have to be particularly intelligent or well educated to think independently. Consider small children. Conventional wisdom says that shoes are for wearing and bananas are for eating. Independent thinking allows children try eating the shoes and wearing the bananas on their feet. Their lack of conventional wisdom and utter disregard for how others view their decisions allows children to experiment without anxiety. In this case they may be wrong, but in other cases they can be shockingly right.

Using these 5 strategies you can develop your independent thinking ability.

1. Disconnect from sources of conventional thinking

Instead of plugging into your TV, PC, or library for answers, think for yourself first. Without cutting yourself off from the world, you can increase your capacity for independent thought by limiting the conventional opinion you absorb. This means reducing the media you consume and the level of devotion you give to it. Independent thinkers aren’t necessarily contrarian, but they don’t agree with the status quo by default. They devise new criteria for perceiving the world rather than seeing everything through the screen of their computer.

2. Immerse yourself in experiences that conflict with your current perspective

Instead of substituting a new conventional thought for the old one, deliberately seek out experiences that challenge your views. These experiences may exist in foreign cultures, unusual subcultures, or between the pages of a book you disagree with. The point is not to adopt a new train of thought, but to disrupt the conventional railroad.

3. Watch the process from a distance

Leaving your normal life behind can give you the freedom to see issues from another perspective. Watching the world instead of eating it up gives you the peace of mind to think for yourself. Standing still from time to time gives you the opportunity to ridicule your own beliefs and explore new angles.

4. Randomize your sensory inputs

Instead of visiting the same places, eating the same foods, and talking to the same people, you can actively pursue new experiences. Many people cling to the familiar to simplify decisions and create a sense of security. If you truly want to think independently, you need to get outside your comfort zone.

5. Practice disbelief

Without becoming a cynic, you can develop the habit of instinctively distrusting thoughts that rely on conventional wisdom. Instead of assuming that these “truths” are self evident, suspend judgement until you’ve have confirmed that there is reality behind the logic.

If all of this sounds too difficult, consider what can be gained from independent thought. Even microscopic steps towards thinking independently will increase your contribution to the world. You will see opportunities and solutions that others overlook. You will obtain a competitive advantage over less creative thinkers. Most importantly, your thoughts will be your own and not just recycled media.

Think independently and you create a world of limitless opportunity. But don’t take my word for it…find out for yourself.

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Life 101

I decided to write some lessons I have learned and want to pass on .  Wisdom from experience cannot be taught in a classroom, but it should still be passed on when possible.  Here goes:

I want to tell you the main lessons I have learned in life and I would be curious to know how many of them you have learned so far. Some of these were instilled in me by my mother and father and other things I have learned on my own.

Always be honest and truthful. If you are, you won’t have to have a good memory, like you do if you chose to lie. Lies and being dishonest destroy people’s trust and confidence in you. Once a trust is broken, and it only takes a second, it will take a very long time, if ever. to rebuild.  Surround yourself with honest, genuine people, so you will not be hurt.

If you love someone, tell them. Life is short, tragedies happen, and you never know if you will see or talk to someone you love again. You should never be afraid to say those three little words when you have the chance. You will never regret saying them too often, but you may regret not saying them when you had the chance.

Get a good education. That is something you should instill in your children from the moment they can understand you. You should never stop learning. Even though you may need a break from school after graduating college, you should consider going back and advancing to the next level at some point.

Always do your best, whatever you do. Anything you do, you should give it your all. If you do things half way, you will be perceived as someone who performs in a mediocre way, and then that becomes part of who you are and what people expect of you.

Don’t take loved ones for granted. None of us knows how long we will have the people we love in our lives. It will be easier to accept their leaving if we know we did not take them for granted when we had the opportunity to tell them and show them how much we appreciate them as often as possible.

Spend time with your children and, if you can, be a stay at home mom/dad or work part-time. Children grow up in the blink of an eye. You don’t want to miss out on their milestones or their first few years. You want to be the one to raise them and teach them, hug them and kiss them, make memories with them.

Say “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” when you are. You will feel better and it will prevent any situation from getting worse and stop hurt feelings and anger from festering. Do it as soon as possible. It makes you the bigger person and you can stop dwelling on the issue and move on.

Don’t rush into marriage. You want to make sure that whoever you meet is compatible with you and will treat you right and respect you. You need to get to know their family because when you marry someone you marry into their family. Don’t overlook red flags. If something is troubling you then you should not overlook it, but think about it and be aware of it. The time to bring it up is before you get serious not after you get married. Make sure you are on the same page about children, how many to have, where to live, finances, and other important issues that become a “couple’s” decision. Get premarital counseling and a prenuptial agreement if you have a lot more money than the person you are marrying.

Make time for yourself and the things that make you happy. You should do this to keep yourself from getting burned out with work or the kids or stress. It’s important to take care of yourself so that you can do all the things that are expected of you and you need to do.

Be true to yourself. Do what you know is right for you, don’t go along with what other people think is best for you, If something is important to you, it will be important to those who really love you too.

Don’t worry about what others think of you. You just have to be happy with who you are and people should love you for who you are. Do not settle for anything in life. You can have whatever you set your mind to.

Marry someone who is not only your mate but your best friend. It will be easier to get through life situations if you can talk things through with your spouse and have someone who will understand and care about how you feel.

Never lend anyone money.  Money issues can ruin relationships. If you lend friends money you are likely to lose both the friend and the money. Just say you don’t have any to lend and keep your finances to yourself. If people know you have money they will ask you for it and you will feel bad to say no.

Save your money and pay off your credit cards. Don’t put yourself into debt and add stress to your life. Either had the money to pay for something or don’t buy it. Real Estate is a good investment, location is sometimes the most important reason for property values to go up. A beautiful house in a lousy area will not go up much, but a run down house in a good area will get you more than its worth.

Don’t say mean or hurtful things in the heat of the moment in an argument. Words hurt and once they are out, there they are there forever. You can’t take them back and you don’t want to regret saying something and feeling guilty about it afterwards.

When someone confides in you and needs compassion, listen with your heart. Everyone needs support at one time or another. Be there for your friends and they may be there for you when you need them.  Always stay close and care for one another. You can be sure you can depend on each other, when other people can be unreliable.

When someone hugs you, never be the first to let go. Affection is very important. Express affection with your spouse, your children and others. Hugs and kisses are very important for happiness.

And, life lesson #1, always put the toilet paper on the roll the right way, over is right, under is wrong (see diagram below)!

 You Are Now Ready For Life!!!

 

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