People with fibromyalgia face many obstacles.
We live with fatigue, brain fog, chronic pain and other symptoms. We work to find ways to manage this syndrome. We seek coping mechanisms. Many fibro patients have overlook the importance of who and what we surround ourselves with.
- This can have a dramatic affect on how we cope.
Conserving energy is an important part to coping with “Fibro Fatigue”. It takes far more energy to deal with negative people. Energy when you don’t have any left to expend.
Let’s look at who we surround ourselves with and the effects on our lives.
People You Should Remove from Your Life
- You have to cut the “downers” the negative people
- You have to cut out the “distractors”
- You have to get rid of “people who play the victim”
- You have to stay away from “know-it-alls”
- You have to dump the “drama queens/kings”
Good and Bad Behavior Is Contagious
One study found that emotions circulate through interpersonal relationships just like the flu virus.
These patterns can actually be tracked statistically just like the flu virus.
- Each positive person you surround yourself with increases your chances of being positive by eleven percent.
- Each negative person you let into your life more than doubles your chances of being negative.
Understanding Why This Happens
A mirror neuron is a cell in your brain that fires both when you act and when you observe another person acting. Interacting with other people engages your mirror neuron system.
This brain mechanism causes you to copy other people whether you want to or not. If you spend enough time with anyone, no matter who it is, you will start to mimic their behavior.
This means you need to start cutting negative people out of your life right now.
Here is a short 2 minute video
explaining mirror neurons
Here are five types of people
to start avoiding now!
# 1 The “Downer”
Some people can walk into a room and light it up. Other people walk into a room and kill it.
- Downers Are Those That Kill Positive Energy
They are those people who seem to have a dark cloud following them wherever they go. These people are unlucky, negative and always depressed.
Don’t feel bad for these people. Odds are:
They like being miserable
They like the attention it gives them
You must drop unhappy people from your life. Why?
Because your happiness and your physical health depends on it. Research shows that being exposed to negative people pulls away neurons in your hippocampus. This is the part of your brain that is responsible for problem solving. This means that negative people literally rot your brain
Stop hanging out with people who suck away your energy
#2 Avoid Distracting People
Distractors come in a variety of flavors
- There are those annoying people who drive you nuts.
- People who make you focus on them instead of focusing on yourself and your mission.
Distractors are also those people that are truly amazing or really hot or incredibly brilliant.]
- Those people who catch your eye for one reason or another.
- Distractors make you forget about your goals and everything that you’ve set out to do in life.
A lot of promising futures
have been sacrificed to these distractors.
Some people drop out of school or quit a job they love, just to be closer to a distracting person. This allows them stay in that distracting relationship.
Others get hooked on celebrity gossip or get rich quick schemes
- Everything that glitters is not always gold.
- Most shiny things are just distractions and this can include people.
Don’t let any person make you forget that you are amazing – and that you have something amazing to offer the world.
#3 Stay Away from People Who Play the Victim
Don’t know how to identify a victim?
Here’s what you look for:
- Look for people who preach self-sacrifice
- Look for people who try to make you feel guilty for your strengths
- Look for people who try to make you feel guilty for your accomplishments
- Look for people who try to make you feel bad just because they are feeling bad
- Masters of positioning themselves on the moral high ground
- Using obligation to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.
- People who like to make you feel responsible for their happiness.
No one is responsible for someone else’s happiness
#4 Stay away from know-it-alls
Know-it-alls are those people who will never let you live down past mistakes. They bring you down by using the psychological phenomenons of “Imposter Syndrome” and “Negativity Bias.”
Imposter Syndrome is describe as the inability to internalize your own accomplishments. It’s that voice in your head that creeps up every now and then telling you that you’re a phony and it’s only a matter of time until people find out.
Negativity Bias on the other hand refers to your brains preference for negative information over positive information.
- Never allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself.
- Don’t let some” Know-it-All” use these techniques against you.
- Focus on where you are now. Not on your past mistakes.
#5 Refuse to be around drama queens.
Drama queens/kings are those people who love conflict. They are addicted to drama and to winning arguments no matter the cost. Even if there’s nothing to be won. Drama queens love drama for the sake of drama.
- They don’t want to win or find a solution they just want the drama.
- Their minds are simple and their lives are boring.
- The only way they can fill a sense of purpose in life is by creating drama.
- Don’t let these people suck you into their drama.
Any time you spend trying to correct or even understand a drama queen is a waste of time. You are better off ignoring these people period.
CITB focuses on chronic illness. I have personally experienced and live with the chronic illness of substance abuse. This is a guest post by Caleb Anderson of RecoveryHope.org. RecoveryHope.org was started by Caleb and Molly Anderson after Caleb received treatment for opiate addiction. Molly has made it her mission to learn how to help Caleb fight his battles and support him in his recovery. Together they now help others by providing research and resources about the many challenges of overcoming drug and alcohol addictions.
We thank Caleb and Molly for their contribution to CITB. We know you will enjoy their insights. Please visit their website RecoveryHope.org for more information on substance abuse and recovery.
There are plenty of ways relationships can become strained. It’s possible to have a strong, healthy relationship, but it’s not easy. It takes work.
When you add an addiction to the relationship, things get much harder. Substance abuse can challenge even the strongest relationship, and many couples break up over it. Thankfully, there are actions you can take to both help your partner and save your relationship. But before you can help, you need to know whether your partner has a problem.
Substance Abuse Leads To Unhealthy Relationships
How do you know if your partner is struggling with addiction? Medical News Today lists a number of signs and symptoms of addiction to watch for, including: bouts of moodiness, bad temper, poor focus, a feeling of being depressed and empty, frustration, anger, bitterness, obsession, denial, etc.
The Mayo Clinic has an exhaustive list of signs related to specific addictions, including marijuana, opiates, and cocaine.
Having a relationship with an addict can lead to pain and stress. It can also lead to heartbreak because addiction can lead to infidelity. Swift River explains this is due to several factors, including a higher chance of risky behavior such as sex with others. Some even use sex as payment for whatever they need.
How You Might Be Enabling
Whether it’s secrecy, anger, or infidelity, the addict is responsible for their own behavior. However, there are ways you might be enabling your partner’s addiction. Enabling is when you help your partner to continue abusing substances even if you don’t realize it. Here are a few ways you might be contributing to the addiction:
- Ignoring evidence that they have a substance abuse problem.
- Helping them avoid the consequences of addiction.
- Buying or using the same drugs and alcohol along with them.
- Failing to hold them responsible when you’ve set boundaries or rules that are not met.
Even if you mean well, you can enable addiction because your partner has no reason to change. Addicts often need to get treatment or hit “rock bottom” before they realize how bad things have become due to their addiction. Protecting your partner makes it harder for them to get help.
Helping Your Loved One
Then how can you help your partner get better? Many people think about staging an intervention, but as Psychology Today notes, these should be last-ditch efforts as there’s no evidence they help an addict in the long-run. Instead, you need to politely and gently convince your partner to go to a doctor or therapist. Focus on how it’s hurting the relationship and ask, not tell, if they would consider getting help.
Once they have entered addiction recovery treatment, you need to be loving and accepting of your partner. Work with your loved one to find healthy habits and activities. This can mean social activities with friends who don’t use as well as healthy ones like yoga, exercising, or just taking a nice walk. Not only will this help your partner get better, but it can heal the relationship as well.
Don’t Let Addiction Ruin Your Relationship
The worst thing you can do when facing your partner’s addiction is to ignore it. This actually enables substance abuse. Instead, understand how addiction impacts your relationship. Then you can focus on getting your loved one the help they need to get sober. By helping your partner, you are also helping your relationship.
Please visit RecoveryHope.org for more information on substance abuse and recovery
You have power over your mind, not outside events! Realize this, and you will find strength.
I have been a writer for over 45 years. During that time, I have become deeply invested in the power and abilities we all hold to improve our lives. For the last 20 years, I have lived with chronic illness both physical and mental. I have learned that there are many lessons in life that can be applied to the chronic illness. Luck is one of them.
Looking back, I believe the greatest factor in my success has come from being lucky. When Napoleon was asked if he preferred courageous generals or brilliant generals, he replied neither. He preferred lucky generals.
Remember “Luck is when preparedness meets opportunity.”
These are seven habits that brought me luck.
1) Be adventurous but do not bet the farm.
Everything that I have achieved came from taking risks. I confronted people on issues that really mattered to me. I quit my job and started my own business. I loaned money to people with very little security. This list goes on and on. These are the moves that bring the greatest rewards. But in all cases, I could afford to lose. I was not going to be exiled to the void if I lost. I followed my gut feelings, but I knew that I could cope with failure.
You cannot do it alone. You will only achieve your goals with the help of others like friends, family, and colleagues. If you are suspicious by nature, or if you like to do everything yourself, your chances of getting lucky are decreased. Remember it’s usually others that bring you luck.
3) Play your strong cards.
Know your strengths and use them. Know your weakness and avoid them. Don’t pretend to have strengths that you don’t have. You can develop strengths and overcome weaknesses. But be sure you identify your specific skills, aptitudes, knowledge, contacts. and apply them wherever you can. This will increase your chances of getting lucky.
4) Give more than you take.
If you want to attract lucky people be prepared to give. You need to go the extra mile for others without worrying too much about keeping score. In my experience the old saying “what goes around comes around” is definitely true in business and in life, and “it” comes around when you least expect it.
5) Get and stay fit.
I am not referring only to physical fitness. I mean your overall mental, physical and psychological well being. Eat right and stay active. Keep learning and improving yourself. Look on the bright side. Not everything is going to go your way. Believe in your chances of success, even in the face of difficulties. Never deal with tough problems at night when you are tired. Health and energy will bring you luck, and the strength to rebound from adversities.
You must convey who you are and what you want. Work on your communication skills. I mean your use of words, your ability to speak and write clearly but assertive. If you have the time, learn another language. Knowing other languages greatly increases your opportunities. We now live in a global village and the importance of languages will only increase.
7) Be true to your craft and trade.
An accountant can write a good business plan and do the analysis but is unlikely to make a good shoemaker. Every start-up, every enterprise, every venture, is based on a craft or specialized field of knowledge. Be true to your chosen field of expertise. People will know if you are for real and then you will start to get lucky.