Behavior Is Contagious – Especially With Fibromyalgia

People with fibromyalgia face many obstacles.

We live with fatigue, brain fog, chronic pain and other symptoms. We work to find ways to manage this syndrome. We seek coping mechanisms. Many fibro patients have overlook the importance of who and what we surround ourselves with.

  • This can have a dramatic affect on how we cope.

Conserving energy is an important part to coping with “Fibro Fatigue”. It takes far more energy to deal with negative people. Energy when you don’t have any left to expend.

Let’s look at who we surround ourselves with and the effects on our lives.

People You Should Remove from Your Life

  1. You have to cut the “downers” the negative people
  2. You have to cut out the “distractors”
  3. You have to get rid of “people who play the victim”
  4. You have to stay away from “know-it-alls”
  5. You have to dump the “drama queens/kings”

Neuroscience 101
Good and Bad Behavior Is Contagious

One study found that emotions circulate through interpersonal relationships just like the flu virus.

These patterns can actually be tracked statistically just like the flu virus.

  • Each positive person you surround yourself with increases your chances of being positive by eleven percent.
  • Each negative person you let into your life more than doubles your chances of being negative.

Understanding Why This Happens

A mirror neuron is a cell in your brain that fires both when you act and when you observe another person acting.  Interacting with other people engages your mirror neuron system. 

This brain mechanism causes you to copy other people whether you want to or not. If you spend enough time with anyone, no matter who it is, you will start to mimic their behavior.

This means you need to start cutting negative people out of your life right now.

Here is a short 2 minute video
explaining mirror neurons

Here are five types of people
to start avoiding now!

# 1 The “Downer”

Some people can walk into a room and light it up. Other people walk into a room and kill it.

  • Downers Are Those That Kill Positive Energy

They are those people who seem to have a dark cloud following them wherever they go. These people are unlucky, negative and always depressed.

Don’t feel bad for these people. Odds are:

They like being miserable
WHY?
They like the attention it gives them

You must drop unhappy people from your life. Why?

Because your happiness and your physical health depends on it. Research shows that being exposed to negative people pulls away neurons in your hippocampus. This is the part of your brain that is responsible for problem solving. This means that negative people literally rot your brain

Stop hanging out with people who suck away your energy

#2 Avoid Distracting People

Distractors come in a variety of flavors

  • There are those annoying people who drive you nuts.
  • People who make you focus on them instead of focusing on yourself and your mission.

Distractors are also those people that are truly amazing or really hot or incredibly brilliant.]

  • Those people who catch your eye for one reason or another.
  • Distractors make you forget about your goals and everything that you’ve set out to do in life.

A lot of promising futures
have been sacrificed to these distractors.

Some people drop out of school or quit a job they love, just to be closer to a distracting person. This allows them stay in that distracting relationship.

Others get hooked on celebrity gossip or get rich quick schemes

  • Everything that glitters is not always gold.
  • Most shiny things are just distractions and this can include people.

Don’t let any person make you forget that you are amazing – and that you have something amazing to offer the world.

#3 Stay Away from People Who Play the Victim

Don’t know how to identify a victim?

Here’s what you look for:

  • Look for people who preach self-sacrifice
  • Look for people who try to make you feel guilty for your strengths
  • Look for people who try to make you feel guilty for your accomplishments
  • Look for people who try to make you feel bad just because they are feeling bad

Victims are:

  • Masters of positioning themselves on the moral high ground
  • Using obligation to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.
  • People who like to make you feel responsible for their happiness.

No one is responsible for someone else’s happiness

#4 Stay away from know-it-alls

Know-it-alls are those people who will never let you live down past mistakes. They bring you down by using  the psychological phenomenons of “Imposter Syndrome” and “Negativity Bias.”

Imposter Syndrome is describe as the inability to internalize your own accomplishments. It’s that voice in your head that creeps up every now and then telling you that you’re a phony and it’s only a matter of time until people find out.

Negativity Bias on the other hand refers to your brains preference for negative information over positive information.

  • Never allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself.
  • Don’t let some” Know-it-All” use these techniques against you.
  • Focus on where you are now. Not on your past mistakes.

#5 Refuse to be around drama queens.

Drama queens/kings are those people who love conflict. They are addicted to drama and to winning arguments no matter the cost. Even if there’s nothing to be won. Drama queens love drama for the sake of drama.

  • They don’t want to win or find a solution they just want the drama.
  • Their minds are simple and their lives are boring.
  • The only way they can fill a sense of purpose in life is by creating drama.
  • Don’t let these people suck you into their drama.

Any time you spend trying to correct or even understand a drama queen is a waste of time. You are better off ignoring these people period.

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5 Ways to Develop Independent Thought

A classroom full of 10-year-old students is asked to solve a problem with children crossing the street on the way to school. The children come up with ideas that have been used successfully in other places: traffic calming devices, overpasses, fluorescent jackets and speed limits. All these ideas are conventional, exactly what the teacher wants to hear.

Except for one. A student recommends that the school board sell the property and move the classroom online. This is not what the teacher was expecting.

This idea may not be practical, popular, or even possible, but when it’s ridiculed by the class it might be the last independent thought that the student dares to express — the death of another independent thinker.

Independent thought is not popular — it is absolutely rare. Nothing you read about in the papers or see on the television is independent. Whatever we take in from the popular media is regurgitated conventional knowledge. There is nothing independent about most of the world.

This is a tragedy — independent thought is essential for progress. Conventional thinking moves us forward gradually at best (at worst it pushes us backwards). Independent thinking is required to achieve any substantial jump in performance.

Logically, when we think like everyone else is thinking, the best we can expect is to achieve what they’re already achieving. If our aim is to over-achieve, we need to avoid the same banal influences and think impossibly. We need to become independent from conventional wisdom.

Fortunately, you don’t have to be particularly intelligent or well educated to think independently. Consider small children. Conventional wisdom says that shoes are for wearing and bananas are for eating. Independent thinking allows children try eating the shoes and wearing the bananas on their feet. Their lack of conventional wisdom and utter disregard for how others view their decisions allows children to experiment without anxiety. In this case they may be wrong, but in other cases they can be shockingly right.

Using these 5 strategies you can develop your independent thinking ability.

1. Disconnect from sources of conventional thinking

Instead of plugging into your TV, PC, or library for answers, think for yourself first. Without cutting yourself off from the world, you can increase your capacity for independent thought by limiting the conventional opinion you absorb. This means reducing the media you consume and the level of devotion you give to it. Independent thinkers aren’t necessarily contrarian, but they don’t agree with the status quo by default. They devise new criteria for perceiving the world rather than seeing everything through the screen of their computer.

2. Immerse yourself in experiences that conflict with your current perspective

Instead of substituting a new conventional thought for the old one, deliberately seek out experiences that challenge your views. These experiences may exist in foreign cultures, unusual subcultures, or between the pages of a book you disagree with. The point is not to adopt a new train of thought, but to disrupt the conventional railroad.

3. Watch the process from a distance

Leaving your normal life behind can give you the freedom to see issues from another perspective. Watching the world instead of eating it up gives you the peace of mind to think for yourself. Standing still from time to time gives you the opportunity to ridicule your own beliefs and explore new angles.

4. Randomize your sensory inputs

Instead of visiting the same places, eating the same foods, and talking to the same people, you can actively pursue new experiences. Many people cling to the familiar to simplify decisions and create a sense of security. If you truly want to think independently, you need to get outside your comfort zone.

5. Practice disbelief

Without becoming a cynic, you can develop the habit of instinctively distrusting thoughts that rely on conventional wisdom. Instead of assuming that these “truths” are self evident, suspend judgement until you’ve have confirmed that there is reality behind the logic.

If all of this sounds too difficult, consider what can be gained from independent thought. Even microscopic steps towards thinking independently will increase your contribution to the world. You will see opportunities and solutions that others overlook. You will obtain a competitive advantage over less creative thinkers. Most importantly, your thoughts will be your own and not just recycled media.

Think independently and you create a world of limitless opportunity. But don’t take my word for it…find out for yourself.

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Love Is An Action Word

Sometimes, when we are in relationships, it is easy to become complacent and “let things be.” We start to really let our guards down (which is great!) but that can also mean becoming a bit lazy within the relationship. Maybe we don’t text each other during the day as much. Maybe we don’t ask if they want us to pick them up dinner on the way home from work or school. Maybe we throw our clothes all over the bedroom and shrug when they can’t find the bed.

Whatever our reasons are for getting too comfortable, it is important to be aware of the fact that showing each other respect and love is a daily ritual, one that never gets old. Here are some easy ways to show the one you care about that you actually care about them.

Compliment Your Lover

Sounds simple, right? But how often do you actually do this? It is much easier to make fun of their bed head or laugh at their expense than it is to give the one we care about the most some praise and positive reinforcement. The next time you see your partner do something nice, or look nice or say something sweet, recognize it and let them know that you are lucky to be with someone as awesome as they are. A little positivity can brighten up someone’s day exponentially!

Leave Them a Love Note

No, I don’t mean a text message or any other form of electronic communication. I mean a real note. Put it inside their wallet, in their purse, on the bathroom mirror or somewhere else where they are sure to see it. There is nothing as sweet or as wonderful as a handwritten love note.

Make Space

Yes, we are all very busy. Too busy, sometimes, to take note that maybe our partner is feeling a little neglected. It is easy to take someone you care about for granted, especially if the relationship is easy-going. But, when we clear a day or even a few hours just for them, just to show them that they are a priority and that they do matter…wow…can you imagine the positive impact you will have on your love? Amazing!

Make Love More Often

Sounds like a no-brainer, but when was the last time you actually made love? Not “had sex” but truly had an intimate experience with one another? I am not even talking about intercourse (although there is nothing wrong with that!) I am talking about two souls connecting on a physical, spiritual and emotional level. Maybe having a deep discussing while in bed together, or kissing and caressing all night long isn’t something you normally do, but why not give it a try? Reconnecting on a deeper level will increase your intimacy.

Be a Better Listener

It is easy to passively listen to your partner speak, but have you tried to be more active? Active listeners are more engaged with their partner and will make their significant other feel as though they are being heard. When one is being heard, there is a respect and trust that forms, which will only deepen your bond.

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Nobody Can Ever Call You Stupid

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. – Albert Einstein

As a kid I was pretty much labelled as the stupid one, or at least I felt like it.  I was probably the worst student ever. I always had trouble focusing to learn and absorb. So yup, I usually got bad grades and was constantly in fear of being scolded by the teacher.

My biggest milestone of stupidity was when I was 12, where I got an extremely low score in a major exam. I tried so hard to make up for it. Trying to shed the label of stupid. Have you ever been in that stage where you know you’re really bad at something, so you try to compensate for it with something else?

I knew I was doing badly in school, so I tried to make up for it in other areas in life. I remember actively trying to be a good son, to not let my parents down. I was always very polite to my relatives in hopes of showing my parents taught me well.

But alas, that major exam caused my world to crash down and made feel totally worthless anyway. I literally had the lowest score ever in my family. I knew I let everyone down and I felt inferior.

Here’s why nobody can ever call you stupid: “Stupid” is just a subjective label people like to give others. And it’s up to you to wear that label or shed it. I shed the label of stupid with a life of hard work and passion.

This is a post for people out there who feel stupid and inferior in any way:

Others’ expectations of you are not yours. Schools, institutions or your parents’ expectations out of you are not your own. They are merely their own views of what they want out of you.

It’s more important to know what you truly want for yourself deep down. It’s important to also have a realistic view on life, hence the only expectations you should ever need are your own. If you know that you gave it your best and always remembered that you tried, no grade or score can ever judge you for your degree of competence.

You’re very special in your own unique way. And with that, comes your aspirations, dreams, passion and ultimately your own hope in life. Do you know how special that is?

While it’s definitely important to get an education and do well in school, remember that you have innate abilities within you that are given to you. Unfortunately, not all of us have circumstances catered to our abilities. For example, the rowdy kid in class who cannot sit still would be labelled a bad student, when actually he requires another method of learning.

So, if it’s just mere circumstances, why let it bring you down? Why let it weigh you down? CREATE your own circumstances and pave your own path to realizing your true self.

I love writing, which is why I started my blog. I learned everything about blogging and online marketing on my own, something which they never thought in school. And it’s this experience of doing it all alone that gave me the bigger lessons in life compared to what school taught me.

You can easily pick yourself up anyway. When people do badly in school or lose a major client at work, they think it’s the end and start to think less of themselves. That is not true at all. You can always easily pick yourself up after that. As long as you believe in yourself and keep pushing on, you can go a long way in life. The trick to it is to not give up.

Stupid is not the end and neither should it be a permanent label. For whatever people think you are, you can easily change that. Just go for what you want, work hard and you can be whatever you want. There’s more to life than just being intelligent. So even if you think you’re stupid, you hence want to be intelligent right? But don’t forget, there are so many amazing things you can be called other than smart, or intelligent, like:

  • Polite
  • Passionate
  • Classy
  • Charismatic

Just to name a few…

I know many people who have made it in the academic world, getting their PHDs and qualifying for big corporate jobs, but their character leaves a lot to be desired. That’s to say, some are so intelligent that they forget how to be respectful towards others; some are so good with books, they don’t know a thing about being sociable.

There are many people out there who buy into living by societal standards. Being intelligent is just one mere aspect of life. Why not be many things instead, which you know can BOTH help you and those around you?

You aren’t stupid. You are many things just by being you. Just be you. Strive to be whatever you want, even if it’s just being intelligent.

Just remember to not take others’ judgement so hard and strive to be yourself. You will definitely go a long way.

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