Conversation is the most important human art.

 Conversation has the power to open a lot of doors. Most of us nowadays avoid having genuine conversation

  • Genuine Conversations With Clients
  • Genuine Conversations With Colleagues
  • Genuine Conversations With Friends
  • Genuine Conversations With Family

We’d rather send a Facebook message, tap out a Text,, or leave a phone message rather than have a genuine conversation. As a result, communication issues at home and work and in relationships become more prevalent. 

  • Pay Attention
  • Remember Conversations Change Lives
  • Authentic Conversations Form Strong Relationships 
  • Strong Relationships Grow New and Important Ideas

Conversation is the most important human skill, and one that WILL open many doors. 

The Art of Silence

This is one of the most important lessons you need to learn.

People Go Back To the People
Who Make Them Feel Good 

It may seem counterintuitive but SILENCE is just as essential as words in the art of dialogue. 

  • Creative Conversation Is Much Like Music
  • It Is the ART of Rationally Structuring a Cohesive Mix of Noises and Silences.

The first and most severe mistake in communication is narcissism. The temptation to keep the discussion focused on yourself, your subjects,  your problems, your ideas, and your ambitions.

In conversation, stick to the 80/20 rule : make sure the other person (or people) have the microphone 80% of the time.

Not everything in life is true, but this is true:
Everyone Enjoys Talking About Themselves and Their Things.  Give Them the Space to Do it and Enjoy the Ride.

Even more important: don’t feel compelled to “win” every debate. Don’t count “your” vacation to the beach if someone else counts “their” holiday to the beach. Don’t tell your sad story if someone else is telling their sad one. Allow them to “win” and let them accept the praise. Maintain an 80/20 ratio and you will become an excellent communicator.

The issue with people who talk a lot is that they don’t always recognize it. If you have a habit of talking a lot, I propose having someone you trust give you a hidden message when you break the rule.

The Art of the Question

The Art of Silence can lead to the most dreaded of all monsters: awkward silences. It’s not just about being silent but also about learning to lead the conversation with clever questions geared at a single goal: allowing others to speak freely about the things with which they are most familiar.

Helpful questions can be grouped into three categories, in order of perfection:

  • Advice
  • Follow-Ups
  • General Knowledge. 

Tips are the best kind of question why, besides, they are a gracious compliment.

Asking someone for advice makes you feel important, wise, and relevant. 

  • I Have a Problem
  • I Would Love to Know Your Opinion
  • What Would You Do in My Place

Try something as innocuous as “What movie have you seen recently that you can recommend to us?” It can be the start of a great conversation.

Second, the Follow-UpsThese are questions aimed at getting to know and understanding the other person and their universe better. 

  • “How is your son recovering from his surgery?
  • Which portion of the tax course did you enjoy the most?

They’re the kinds of inquiries that delve into the lives of others, strengthen bonds, and spark long, interesting conversations.

Third, general culture, which is the weakest sort of inquiry but may be used as an emergency escape route. 

  • Have you watched the movie “Parasite”?
  • How long do you think the lockdown will be in effect? 

These are broad and superficial inquiries. Of course, stay away from the banned topics, which we’ll discuss later.

Know, learn and practice active listening; first as a technique and then as a true habit to create great conversations and strong relationships.

The Art of Listening

When my nephew Billy came into the room to tell me important news while I was finishing reading some messages on my phone, he reminded me of the significance of what experts call “active listening.” “Uncle Thom, pay attention to what I’m saying!” “Billy I’m listening to you,” I said. In his four years on the planet, he fought back. “Please, pay attention to what I’m saying with your eyes.”

We are bombarded with more distractions than ever before, and many of us have adopted the habit of checking our phones every three seconds. However, there is a significant distinction between “hearing” someone and actively listening to them. Listening not only with your ears, but also with your eyes, your entire body, and your full concentration.

When someone identifies themself as a “great conversationalist,” it typically comes down to one thing: He knows how to listen. It’s also not that tough (once you learn how to do it).

It usually consists of four elements: 

  • Eyes to the Front.
  • Shoulders Directed at the Other Person.
  • Distractors Out of Sight.
  • Affirmative Head Shake (The Universal Symbol of Empathy.)

Know, learn and practice active listening; first as a technique and then as a true habit to create great conversations and strong relationships.

The Common Theme

We are all humans; we like to talk about ourselves, our problems and feel good about ourselves. In business and in life, the art of conversation is the art of etiquette: allowing the other to feel comfortable and well.

One of the simplest ways to accomplish this is to avoid traditionally taboo or controversial topics, with two universal rules of forbidden conversation:

Rule Number One:
Never Talk About Religion, Politics, or Anything about Sex

When in Doubt:
See Rule Number One.

Having established the things that are not appropriate to talk about in a conversation, let’s talk about what is worth talking about. 

Mutual Friendship Is Born at the Moment When One Person Says to the Other:
“What? You Too?” “I Thought I Was the Only One!”

Common interests are the natural terrain for the development not only of great conversations, but of great friendships 

Use the first three arts (silence, question, and listen), Empower yourself to identify a topic of shared interest and attack it with new inquiries, not only your own ideas or ideals, while keeping the 80/20 ratio that we have previously learned.

With these four arts: (silence, questioning, listening, and the common theme, you will be able to verbally dominate any encounter and become a great conversationalist. As in any topic related to conversation, keep an honest and real character: These techniques will open many doors for you.

Like a black belt in martial arts, the black belt in conversation comes with great power and great responsibility. You will be able to connect with people and transform your reality: make sure you always do it for the better.

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