Intimacy With Chronic Illness


What is it according to you?

Have you ever REALLY been intimate with someone?


Intimacy is scary shit.

It is being honestly connected in an emotional way. Like he/she can read your mind. Your soul is just so clear to that person. It is having faith in, and courage to, trust others by expressing your true thoughts and feelings without fear.

Doesn’t it scares you a bit? It does me!


Intimacy Is Largely Missing From Many Personal Relationships.

This is especially true in relationships living with chronic illness. According to the dictionary, Intimacy is “close acquaintance, association, or familiarity.” But, I believe Intimacy is best described as a state of “comfort, trust, and warmth,” It can be towards friends, partners, pets, and others.

There are 8 types of intimacy:

  • Physical (sexual): self-explanatory
  • Physical (non-sexual): hugs, petting animals, etc.
  • Proximal: being in the same place together, near each other
  • Recreational: having fun together
  • Occupational: talking about work or school, working together
  • Intellectual: discussing world issues, etc.
  • Emotional: coming to each other in times of crisis, sharing feelings and memories
  • Spiritual: talking about beliefs, the “big questions”

[Tweet “The intimacy of bodies is common. The intimacy of souls is something very rare.“]

Thinking About Emotional Intimacy

When I think of intimacy, I am mostly thinking about emotional intimacy, as opposed to sexual intimacy. This is the intimacy most people with chronic illness crave. Getting to know someone better, in depth, wanting to know what makes them tick, and wanting to know makes their heart pound. Giving them the ability to live vicariously through your experiences and expecting the same in return.

Maintaining Intimacy

Maintaining intimacy is particularly hard with chronic illness. The hardest to find and maintain is our inability to consistently engage with others. Those without chronic illnesses find it hard to understand why you can’t return a text message or why you can’t go visit with them and have coffee, or why you don’t want to go see a movie with them. People with Fibromyalgia, CFS, and the other chronic illnesses can’ adequately express to others the fatigue and pain they live with every day.

Express Your True Self

People go to workshops all over the world to experience just a single weekend of intimacy. But you don’t need a weekend retreat to be intimate. Just get in touch with your heart, embrace the reality of your circumstances, express your true self, and educate those with whom you are intimate as to your limitations.

Then follow where it leads you…



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The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Love

All kinds of dumb things bounce around TwitterQuotes from famous people. Social media stats. Links to videos. And sometimes, random shit about love.

Speaking of random shit about love, here’s a doozy:


This was bouncing around a while ago. I grabbed it in a screenshot, knowing I’d want to write about it, sooner or later.

“If you truly love someone you forgive the unforgivable…”


Let’s talk about this. First, before it’s possible to have a (coherent) conversation, I think it’s important to acknowledge that “unforgivable” is a word without static meaning. What is unforgivable for you, might not be for me.  And vice versa. Further, what is unforgivable (by me) is likely to change over time. So, unforgivable is a relative thing, at best.

And then, of course, forgiving the unforgivable... If it were actually unforgivable, you wouldn’t be able to forgive it.

But let’s skip that, for now, and focus on the fact that most people (I assume it’s most) have at some point in their life been in a situation where they’ve forgiven someone they loved for a previously unforgivable act.

I’ve certainly done it.  And believe me, some of the unforgivable things I’ve forgiven have been ridiculous.

I thought that that was what people did. Forgave. Whatever it was. No matter how ridiculous. How painful and humiliating and utterly demoralizing. Forgiveness was a sign that my feelings were true and real. Proof that I was passing some kind of bizarre cosmic test.

Which is all really a load of crap. Some things shouldn’t be forgiven. Some people don’t deserve it. Neither our love or our forgiveness. And attempting to prove, to them or to the universe, that we are worthy by forgiving their nonsense is nothing but a sign of foolishness.

I think.

Or maybe I just don’t get it. Whatever it is

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I’ve Decided to Bet on Broad

I have extensive training in narrow thinking.

Assuming everybody thinks like me, making decisions from a limited perspective, refusing to let go of processes that have been good to me, throwing around the word forever like it’s a nerf ball, killing myself trying to accomplish outdated goals, backing away from perceived negatives, leaning my ladder against the wrong wall, believing that just because somebody kissed me once means that we’re in love forever, allowing my observations to bounce off a thin reservoir of experience, keeping consistent with silly ideas because they’re too convenient to be killed, and, worst of all, preserving the dangerous posture of terminal certainty.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s been great practice.

But that brand of thinking doesn’t serve me.

From now on, I’ve decided to bet on broad.

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HD3 Complication has developed Slyde, a watch for the 21st century.  Slyde is the first watch with a digital touchscreen, with swipe-able screens so information can be easily accessed.  The water-resistant watch has a full color digital readout that can be interfaced with its touchscreen, which can be positioned vertically and horizontally, and features various customizable modules that can be downloaded online.  The Slyde watch combines the virtual world with realty, allowing you to always be up-to-date.

Visit HD3 Complication

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